Irredeemable Breaks & Regrets
by Icevespera73
Summary: A look into the future after the close of season 2 of YJ. About the blossoming and dying romance between Nightanna. Enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1

~~~~ Z ~~~~

I guess I have always had an attraction to guys who are broken. Maybe that's why I felt drawn to Dick when I first saw him. I must have sensed his pain. I watched him grow up from a young boy of 13 to young man of 18 but I knew his pain never went away. The loss of his parents never went away but he coped with it, dealt with the heart break with the help of his friends. But then Wally's death… took its… toll. The pain came back full force, I could see it. That's why he left the team, I think. He needed to find a new way to cope without his best friend. That's where I thought I would come in, I wanted to be his new best friend, be his new coping mechanism. I lost my father to Fate so I thought we could come together, two lost souls in a harsh, unforgiving world. I saw the cracks in his fortress and I wanted to fix them, to ease his pain. I thought I would be a friend but it became so much more.


	2. Chapter 2

~~~~ Z ~~~~

I still remember the first time we went on the date. A coffee shop, how typical. We sat drinking cinnamon lattes and talked. It was nice, such a change of pace from the high speed life in the League. I think Dick enjoyed it too, it distracted him from his losses. I looked into his eyes and saw the depths of his pain, loss, confusion and, something that surprised me, love. Since that day, I watched that love grow and slowly creep up from the depths of darkness in his soul. I thought I was reaching my goal of sealing up those cracks. I thought this was my best kind of magic, the magic of healing love. I soon realised that my own love for him was also growing as the months went by. Too bad I only found out after the Joker took him.


	3. Chapter 3

~~~~ D ~~~~

I slowly crack open my eyes and take in the blinding lights around. I try to move my hands to cover my face but I find them bound above my head, bound with chains holding me up from the ceiling. Squinting at my surroundings, I wonder where I am. The last thing I remember is the smell of cinnamon and heading to see Zatanna to offer her my eternal love… I picture her in my mind, the sweet, knowing smile she has... I hope she is alright. If she got hurt when I was taken, god help me…

"Ah, you're awake! Great! The fun can begin!" A piercing, shrill voice speaks in my ear. I know that voice, Joker. He walks around and faces me. I narrow my eyes as they fall on his deathly white face and wicked grin. "For years I've been trying to get at the Bats but he's no fun. He knows me too well, always raining on my parades, that party-pooper. But hey! I know him too. I was thinking that perhaps the way to get to him was through his precious little birdbrat." My skin crawls as he runs his fingers down the side of my face. "Or is it senior birdbrain now that you've grown sooo much?" I resist the urge to spit at him, my contempt for him furiously trying to claw its way to the surface.

"What are you gonna do? Ransom me? Trade my life for Batman's? You know he'll never fall for that," I shoot back, straining against the chains to move away from the Joker.

"Of course he wouldn't!" The Joker, casually steps back and pulls out a crowbar. "But he wouldn't want his dear little pet to be hurt now would he? See that's how the Bat hurts, when a 'loved one', does he even really have loved ones? I personally feel like he has a mechanical heart… but back to the matter at hand, the Bat cannot stand it when his loved ones hurt. I can just imagine how it will hurt him when you return, shattered…" The Joker whips around and brings the crowbar down against my side. I bite my lip to fight the pain. I'm pretty sure I broke a rib or two.

"Physical wounds… will heal… I won't break," I utter through gasps of pain as I breathe out.

The Joker retreats into the shadows and the smell of cinnamon rises into the air. "Oh that's what you think. But guess what does not heal so nicely, emotional scars. They fester and grow while you wither away to nothing. Now tell me, birdboy, what are you afraid of?"

The last thing I hear is his maniacal laugh as I lose consciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

~~~~ D ~~~~

"Nightwing! Help me!" I hear Wally's voice calling out of the darkness. I'm coming Wally, I will save you this time! I struggle to move over to the source of the yelling.

"No! Help me!" Artemis? Or was that M'gann calling from the opposite direction. I stand still as I hear more voices calling from all directions. I can't help all of them.

I try to move towards Wally but my legs seem to be stuck, with a thick liquid flowing around them. Bringing my hand down, I realise with horror that it is blood. The clamour of voices rises until I am forced to cover my ears. And then one voice comes out above the rest, Zatanna's. "Dick, help me please, I'm scared."

I see her coming towards me and I reach out to catch her as she falls. My heartrate increases as I find her covered in blood. "You could have saved me. We could have had a life together and now look at the bodies around us. Why didn't you do anything?"

My heart leaps into my throat as the blood around dissipates, leaving bodies lying strewn everywhere: Wolf, Connor, Wally, Bruce… What happened? Why am I the only one who survived? Anguish rises within me as I feel Zatanna's breath slow and finally stop. No. My love, I'm sor…

"Hahahaha!" I hear Joker laughing. "What a batty fear, no wonder the Bat adores you, he created a little Bat. Hahaha, that is so hilarious!"

Coming fully awake now, I am left quivering and shaky after the dream I just had. I would never let my friends die, right?

"Now that that is done with, let's proceed with my favourite part: the torture! Hahaha!" The Joker leans in close, sneering.

I can tell something will happen to me but with the Joker's unpredictable-ness, I can never what. Zatanna, I'm so sorry I can't be with you, I l-

The Joker brings the crowbar down again and again until the pain is too much and I succumb to a wave of black.


	5. Chapter 5

~~~~ Z ~~~~

I stare at the joker card in my hands. It has been three months and there have been no leads as to where Dick is. It's as if he fell of the face of the earth. No amount of detective skills or magic seem able to uncover his whereabouts. I can only imagine the hell he is going through, being with the Joker is no laughing matter. I perform the location spell for about the millionth time but again, nothing. The one change is that the omnipresent sadness doesn't raise its ugly head, instead, numbness takes its place.

My head falls into my hands. Oh what I would do to get back my little broken boy. I try not to think about the new scars he will gain. I try not to think about my own new pools of pain opening from this hell. What am I to do? Perhaps the most painful feeling of all, hope, says to wait, that he will return. But I do not know if I am physically capable of waiting until his return. I feel my heart a little everyday he doesn't walk through the door and there I not much of my heart left to break.

I focus back onto the joker card. It was left at the scene of the abduction. Every day I feel the urge to throw it away, to get rid of the filth that took away the equivalent of my life. But I know I cannot, this abomination is the last true tie I have to him.

I think I feel the tears well up but I know I cried myself dry many days ago. I want to give into despair, to feel something other the numb pain of hope; hope that he will return when I cannot believe that he will.

I close my eyes, listening to the silence of the apartment, imaging his voice as he walks through the door. "Zatanna, I'm home." I smile as I mouth the words, they sound so real. Then the realisation hits. They are real, that is his voice. He is back.


	6. Chapter 6

~~~~ Z ~~~~

I run to the doorway. He is standing there, gaunt, pale, haggard, but in the flesh. He is wearing the same clothes he wore the day he disappeared but with the smell of cinnamon hanging on them. In my right mind, I should have wondered why he came home now. I would have been suspicious that the Joker released him on purpose but I was not worrying about that now, he was back, standing there before me.

I reach a hand out, as if to touch him, a soft sob in my throat. "Is it really you?"

"Yes, I'm home" he is curt in his speech, so different from the one who disappeared those months ago. There is a hardness about his eyes that wasn't there before. What happened to him, what torture did he receive? I stand staring at him, my hope recedes, its job done getting me through the long months. I walk forward and throw my arms around him, pulling him close.

"You never get to leave me again, I was so worried," I whisper into the back of his neck as I clutch him tightly.

"Don't worry, you will be with me in spirit," is his reply.

If I was in the right mind I would have picked up on his uncharacteristic sharpness but obviously I was too late. He plunged the blade into my side before I knew what was going on. I barely feel the pain as I sink to the ground.

"Why?" I mumble through the shock.

"I need to keep you safe, where you can't be hurt. This way you will always be by my side," he stares into my eyes.

Oh my dear, what heinous torture you must have endured. I feel my blood flowing out of my wound and my life ebbing away, it is too late to save myself. I am curled, pressed against his chest, as I realise the smell of cinnamon is concentrated in his pocket. Painfully reaching out a hand, I pull out the vial and toss it away. The smell of cinnamon dissipates.

My breathing becomes laboured, I feel my energy waning. I slowly raise my head to look at him. I watch the hardness slowly ebb away from his eyes to reveal the love behind them. I watch the pain, so long ago covered by love, make its way back into his soul as he takes in the situation.

The horror of the situation slowly sinks into him as his eyes widen, his heart races and he starts mumbling "no, no, no". His anguish almost seems funny as the final tides of my strength fade and leave me unfeeling. He wraps me tightly in his arms and leans forward to cradle me, a small gold ring falls out of his pocket and rolls away, just like the our chances of our life together. I can't hold this against him, there is too much love in me. It is simply the widening of his cracks that caused him to break under stress.

I feel darkness tugging me downwards and am aware of him repeating the word "sorry". With my final breaths, I come to an agonising conclusion. I failed myself, I didn't help Dick pick up the pieces of his life. It seems that with the integration of me into his life was destructive for the both of us, no doubt he will break further, just as he broke me. I reach out and clutch his hand. My only regret is that I can't be there for him now…


End file.
